[Galaxy] [Earth] 2158 October 4th, JL Personal log RAdm Suzanna Batenburg / Commo Thomas Garroway

[Suzanna Batenburg]

<<It got a bit long, so get a cup of coffee or tea :D >>

////////////// SF HQ Chief Surgeon's Office /////////////////

She'd come in a month early for her bi-annual mandatory medical check
up. But given the situation and the stress she'd been under, she
wanted to. She had expected tiredness to start eventually, given the
circumstances, but it was getting worse. To the point that she had
nearly fainted in her office one evening. And now she looked at the
Starfleet Chief Surgeon, Dr, Commodore, Alexandra Kensington, in
disbelief. "You can't be serious?!"

The look on Andra's face told her otherwise. And asking how it could
have happened wasn't going to make things any different.

"You need to cut your schedule somehow, Admiral. Your body won't be
able to sustain your current pace given all the circumstances, that is
why you nearly fainted. Your body is telling you to take it easier. I
don't need to order light duty... your body already has."

"I don't have time for this.... we are at war!" Suzanna replied.

"There are options, of course, but you need to take time to think them
over, at the same time, if you were to go for alternatives, the longer
you wait, the worse it will be for your body to recover, too."

"I understand," Suzanna nodded and then got to her feet. "Much to
think about. Thank you, Doctor."

 //////////////// SF CO Office ///////////////

The whole discussion with the Chief Surgeon had distracted her. There
was so much going through her mind, choices, options. It wasn't
something she could just decide on her own. Suzanna walked back from
the window to her desk and sent a message to Garroway. "Thomas, we
need to talk. Can you meet me at my apartment tonight."

The message was returned momentarily.  "Of course.  See you at 8?"

 //////////////// Batenburg's Apartment ///////////////

Garroway was shed of his uniform.  Due to a lack of personal
possessions, even after a year away from Starfleet, he wore the same
old blue jeans and black ECA t-shirt under a brown suede jacket.  It
was the only civilian clothing he was comfortable in, and he liked his
comfort zones, especially with all the curve balls the Universe tended
to hurl at him.

He knocked once on the door before opening it.  "Hello?" he called as
he tossed his keys on the nearby table.  "I seem to recall at one time
we decided it wasn't a good idea to keep meeting like this," he
quipped playfully as he rounded the corner.  His demeanor changed once
he saw her face.  "What's wrong?"

Suzanna had actually left the office early, she needed time to think
and given what was on her mind, she was unable to concentrate.
Although her aide was glad to see her leave early, she had also
expressed concern for her, mentioned that she looked pale. For the
last two hours, she'd sat near the window, watching out of the bay, a
sight she never tired of. How could this have happened? She'd always
been careful. Part of her worried about what Thomas' reaction would
be. But the sooner he knew, the better and she could stop worrying
about that at least. A faint smile crossed her face at his joke, he
was right about that. They hadn't seen each other off duty since he
had arrived back on Earth.

"It depends on what you call wrong. I went to for my bi-annual check
up a little earlier because I have been feeling so tired recently. I
thought it was because of the long hours and stress given the war."
Suzanna said as she got up, but still stood by the window. "What she
told me surprised me greatly... but nothing apparently is 100% fool
proof.... I'm pregnant."

Garroway waited for the punchline.  The moment when she couldn't keep
up the joke any longer, and laughed and pointed at him for being so
gullible.  It didn't come.  "Okay," he said slowly.  "Is it a boy or a
girl?"  He mentally slapped himself for such a stupid response.

"I don't know... it is too early to say. I've always been careful, for
medical reasons I was taking the pill anyway. I just don't know how
this could have happened.... it must have happened that last time...
it is about 3 months... the doctor couldn't be sure...." She started
rambling now. And as much as she tried to remain calm, suddenly she
felt overwhelmed by it all. "So far the only symptom I've had is
tiredness... I just don't know, Thomas..."

"Well," Garroway began as he shed his jacket, tossing it on the couch.
"It's not like this kind of thing hasn't happened before -- just not
to us.  So we'll just have to weigh our options and consider the best
course.  Should you be going on leave now, or...?"

"In principle not..." Suzanna took a deep breath, drawing strength
from the calmness that Thomas excuded, even if he didn't feel that
way, there was at least no look of panic on his face. "Pregnancy is
not a reason to go on leave for a Starfleet Officer. Certain
restrictions are normally placed though to make sure that there is no
health risk to either mother or unborn. Having said that," she said
and moved away from the window, closer to Thomas, "it assumes a normal
duty schedule. The Starfleet CO job is not a normal duty schedule at
the best of times, and with everything going on... It's more like a
double shift. My body is not coping with that at the moment."

Garroway walked over to Suzy, putting his arms around her.  "I believe
it," he said as soothingly as he could manage.  "I don't think
'delicate condition' was ever a term applied to Atlas."

"I just don't know what to do... I've always been so busy with
Starfleet, with us all over the place, I never really thought about
having children. The longest we've been together in one place was when
you were home and I had that six month leave and spent it at the
colony with you." She hugged him, feeding off his strength.

Garroway remembered Fisher and Varre' on New Darwin, taking care of
young Matty.  "It's been done.  No one's saying we couldn't make it
work, too."

Suzanna sighed, "I just can't do my job properly if I keep the baby...
I just don't have the energy...."

It wasn't until that moment that Garroway realized /not/ having the
baby was an option.  It certainly wasn't an option to small colony
folk, but when your on the homeworld and the term "overpopulation" was
an actual and serious concern, it was a different story.  And for not
the first time, Garroway felt a little culture shock with his own
race.  "And... how much say do /I/ have in this?"

"You wouldn't be here if you had no say," Suzanna retorted. "Having a
child, raising it is a huge responsibility... I don't want to do that
alone... that is why I never considered having children before. We
have been together apart, apart together. If I keep the baby, it means
I have to step down as Starfleet Commander... I just can't do both at
the moment, my body won't let me. It needs the energy for the baby and
taking a leave from the Starfleet Command job is not possible while we
are at war."

"Calm down, calm down," Garroway soothed, still holding her.  "Let's
forget the war.  Let's forget the rank and responsibility.  I'm not
going to let the Romulans dictate our life together.  For once I want
to act like a normal couple and have normal couple problems.  Like
this one.  So...  When all is said and done, what do you /want/ to
do?"

Suzanna held him close, not answering for a long moment. Her head
warring with her heart. They had never been a normal couple, what is it
to be a normal couple? She was a Starfleet Officer and so was he... it
was part of what made them who they were, and it had always been part of
their relationship. Then again, stepping down from Starfleet CO was not
resigning from Starfleet all together. It just meant a different job in
Starfleet. And after having served in the SF CO job for as long as she
had... maybe a change would not be a bad thing. In fact, she'd hated the
fact that they couldn't be together because of their jobs. And if she
did consider not having the baby... it would be the first casualty of
the Romulan war to happen on Earth, and somehow she knew that if she
allowed that to happen, her relationship, and any future with Thomas
would be the next casualty.

And neither was acceptable.

She leant back in his arms a little to look at his face, "I want you,
I want our baby. The Romulans will not take that from us. But I do
want us to be us... together."

"Then that's what we'll be," he said softly.  "So tonight we'll be
just Thomas and Suzanna, and tomorrow we'll deal with the what's and
why's and paperwork.  Tonight is just for us."

Suzanna looked at him for a long moment, blinking to try and hold back
the tears that were threatening to roll down her cheeks, and only
partially succeeding. "I love you," she said and kissed him.

When the kiss paused, Garroway replied, "I love you, too."

<<Thanks everyone, it has been fun!>>

Commo Garroway, Thomas R.
Fleet Operations Commander
Starfleet (The First Era)
"Whatever is necessary -- for Starfleet, for Earth.”
-- 
RAdm Suzanna Batenburg
Fleet Commander (Ret)
Starfleet: The First Era
"Everything fits, otherwise we will make it fit."
http://www.firstera.net